Are you a mother of an anxious teenager who is obsessed and over insecure about himself? Well, there are many ways where you can actually get him under your guidance. Adolescence is very risky, mainly for your kid who is going through a lot of things around him. His change in hormones, body, mental tension adds up to his insecurities making him an anxious kid. He is figuring out who he is, what he wants to be in this world which looks confusing to him and mainly tensed about what girls or other boys perceive him to be. The age is fussy and he is not sure what he has to do next. He probably doesn’t want your help, he just wants a good friend to be a good listener. This is when he pushes you away, if you are strict, un-understanding and act rude to his emotions.
It is the number of things that the child wants to tell you varying from ‘I love you to I hate you, talk to me, but not like that, give me space but do not leave me, help me but don’t embarrass me’. These are the different kind of things he wants to tell you, but also doesn’t want to tell. For all these reasons and more, adolescence is an uneasy–provoking, tumultuous time, both for you and especially for your kid.
Do you want to help him without hurting his feelings or disturbing his thoughts, then here are some ways to deal and how to talk to teenagers.
Parents Guide on How to Talk with Anxious Teenager
1Check your anxiety level
If you have a child who is undergoing anxiety issues, you should know to control yours first. The first step is to monitor your anxiety around your child. In some ways, It is important to just be there and help your child through silences and not through loud gestures or help that would be of no use to him. Before you ask your child his problems, ask yourself if it is your anxiety or what is keeping you worried?! From there, you will have a sense and control of your emotions in front of your kid. Remember that you and your child are different, and your thinking comes from two different places. The bottom line is that you can’t change your child’s feelings or the situation, but you can help her through it.
Wait for him to come to you if there is a need. So separate your own feelings from your child’s feelings. Yes, it gets hard on many levels for both you and your kid, but it is necessary for your kid to undergo some pain before he turns in for help. Realize that you can work to help your child, but you can’t live the painful moments for her. Keeping your anxiety level under a check is important to help your child without making it worse for him.
2Give him the much needed space
Be next to him physically, but mentally give him the space that he requires. This is very important to help your child because he will understand that you are giving him some well needed space. Step in only when necessary and move out when not needed. If you say something and that tenses him up, take a back step because you do not want to irritate him. It is a fine line for parents, but so important to be there when he needs you to listen to him. That is when you tell the boy ‘I will be there to help you, no matter what!’
3Help normalize the anxiety
When you shuu your kid away, that is when his dreams of talking to a mature person are crushed. Remember, that you should look at the problem in a very objective manner. Do not make him feel like he is doing a mistake by coming to you. Always pay heed to his issues when he tells you. For example, if your child has a big presentation for English class and is really stressed, you could say, “It’s normal to feel anxious at times like these; everyone does. We all have areas that are scary for us.” You could continue to coach him by saying, “When I’m nervous, I go take a walk or call a friend and talk. When you have those feelings, what do you think you could do to calm down?” It’s also helpful to remind your child of when he did something successfully before. “Remember when you were in the play last year? You did a great job, and I’m sure you will again.”
By the way, if there really is something traumatic happening in your child’s life, like a divorce, a significant move, or a death, this is a highly anxious time for both of you. But even when things are most difficult, it’s important to respond to your child by being reassuring and supportive; try to normalize some of her feelings. This also may be a time when you seek out additional help from your child’s pediatrician or a counselor.
4Do not over help
Help the kid, but don’t over help. Let him analyze the problems and decide for himself. Help your child if he’s having trouble making choices. Be supportive and do what you can to help, but don’t jump in and try to do it for him. There are a certain things you can’t control as a parent. It is always best for him to decide and do it by himself. It may be a problems for the first few times, but later he will know he needs to just handle it the right way. You can always offer help, but do not fully finish the work for him.
5Do not negate
Your child sure has some sense of what things are and how it is on him. IF you kid cribs saying he doesn’t like the hairstyle, do not just say ‘NO, you are wrong, this looks great.’ Don’t just cut it right on his face because he knows that it is not really great looking. Children learn a lot nowadays from various social media, TV etc. Say things like ‘honey,it looks good, but yes may be you need a different hairdo.’ Try to accept and then divert their focus into grooming themselves. Always try to come up compliments out of the blue. You can say things like ‘Oh my, you look wonderful in that suit’ or ‘Wear that hat to the beach retreat and you will look great,son’ The kid will act like he doesn’t care about your comments, but trust yourself, he is going to go with exactly what you complimented him on!
Remember that anxiety in children can be on different levels. If your child’s anxiety is such that he isn’t going to school or seeing friends and is isolating himself from your family, it’s time to seek outside help from a professional.
-Pavithra Ravi
